Full disclosure



Me this morning. Except I'm a girl. And I didn't throw my hands up in the air.

I have a problem. No, I’m not talking about the fact that my wet boot slipped this morning and caused me to do a lovely slow motion ass plant in the lobby of my work building in front of 50 people. The problem is not that this happened to occur right as I was walking next to a particularly adorable man who – though he did put his arm around me and ask if I was okay – did not suddenly fall in love with me and rescue me like a damsel in distress.

The problem I have is a blog problem.

It seems like every time I think I’d like to blog about something, I think about who reads my blog and realize I can’t. You see, when I started this blog, I promised I’d be open and honest no matter what. But sometimes I start brainstorming and I can’t help but think maybe it’s not the best idea. Like in my last post, when I talked about having sex with non-Jews… How do I not think about the fact that my sister reads this, or my godmother? How do I not consider the fact that I’m Facebook friends with my aunt and she might click the link to my blog when I post it in my status?

Usually, I just suck it up and write… they don’t have to read my blog if it bothers them, and they do have to love me no matter what. But lately, a whole new batch of troublemakers has come into play: the guys I go on dates with.

You see, I haven’t gotten to promoting my blog to complete and total strangers just yet. I’m still trying to build up a better foundation of content, and for now, the only places I promote are Facebook and Gchat. My Facebook security settings are high, so you have to be friends with me to see my status updates… so pretty much, you have to at least sort of know me to know about my blog. Currently, when I update my blog, I post a link to it in Facebook and on my Gchat status.

Gchat also happens to be my preferred method of communication when it comes to the guys I go out with. Which means they have access to my blog - and believe me, they let me know when they read it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard “So I read your blog… I hope I haven’t done anything to make it on there yet!” or “I better be careful or I might read about myself on your blog!” Frankly, I like that these guys read Sara for Sale. If they read it and still want to go out with me, I think that’s a pretty good sign.

Here’s where the problem comes in:

Recently, I went on two pretty solid dates. I’d probably go out with either one of them again if they asked. But there was an issue with the second guy. You see, my whole family takes their animals to the same vet - the family dog, my sister’s cat and dog, and my cat. This vet has always been kind of a babe. A little strange, but a babe nonetheless. My mother, who was the first to take an animal there, has referred to him as “the cute vet” from the beginning, and the moment I met him, I agreed. But there’s a problem, at least as far as I’m concerned: he’s gay.

So when I met the guy from the second date, I was pretty happy about the fact that he’s basically the vet’s doppelganger. He looked just like him and sounded just like him, but he liked girls! But by the end of the date, I began to wonder if I was slightly turned off by the fact that he was just a bit effeminate, or if he was totally masculine and I was just thinking of the vet.

I wanted to take to my blog and expand on this, but at the time, I realized I had just gone on a date with another guy whose company I enjoyed. I knew for a fact that he read my blog, and I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested just because I’d gone out with someone else. There I was with this blogworthy date dilemma, but I couldn’t blog about it.

This was a dilemma in itself! I want people to read my blog, but then I can’t blog about things because people read my blog! So what do I do? Do I stop blogging? Do I make people hate me? Do I censor myself?

I don’t like any of these ideas. So I’ll continue to blog openly and honestly. Hopefully, even if it makes people not like me, they’ll at least be able to keep laughing at me. Besides, like I said… if a guy can read my blog and still want to date me, at least he knows what he’s getting himself into!