Don't Talk to Me

First things first: Sara for Sale has a victory to celebrate. We’ve officially made it in the world. Yes, that’s right, yesterday someone told me he tried to read my blog while he was at work, only to be defeated by a nasty message: “Based on your corporate access policies, access to this web site has been blocked because the web category 'Adult' is not allowed.”

That’s right, I’ve officially been blocked for adult content. Thank you, world of corporate internet security, for recognizing my true calling in life as a creator of adult content.

Now, on to more important matters. Due to recent events, I’ve decided to create a list of reasons guys shouldn’t talk to me. No, not a “what’s wrong with me” list, but a “what’s wrong with you” list. As in, a “do not waste my time” list.

You see, I’m officially fed up. Not sad, not even really disappointed, just fed up. Fed up and really fucking frustrated.

Not too long ago, I went on an awesome date with someone. I mean a really awesome date. Not necessarily because of the date itself, but because we clicked pretty wonderfully. As you know, I usually leave dates with, at worst, intense feelings of disgust, and at best, intense feelings of apathy. Even the greatest dates leave me thinking “Hmm, that was nice. I’d go out with him again if he asks, but I don’t really care.”

This date, I left with a little bit of a crush. We pretty immediately made plans to see each other again. But, as you know, I have a thing for workaholics, and our plans kept getting canceled due to his work schedule. By the third time this happened, I just said “If you really do want to see me and aren’t just trying to avoid me, it’s seriously okay. But I just have to ask.” He assured me he was not avoiding anything and work was just unexpectedly crazy.

The day of our fourth attempt, this gentleman informed me that he actually just got out of a long relationship and is realizing he really isn’t ready to be dating again yet. Normally, my typical pushover self would have been all compassionate and said “Oh, I’m so sorry, that must be so difficult for you, I understand. Please let me know if you feel ready at any point in the near future.”


But not this time. I was having none of that. After all the disappointments I’ve experienced as a result of people who have no business pursuing a relationship deciding it’s okay to try to date me, I’d really just had enough. I was alarmed by how little I cared.

So I wasn’t quite so nice this time. I was just done. In fact, when I was telling my friend what happened and she said “well how much time does he mean?” my response was “I don’t fucking care. He could need two minutes and it’d be too fucking long for me this time.” Which brings me to reason number one on my list:

1) If there is any reason whatsoever that you might not be able to be in a long-term, serious relationship with me, do not, under any circumstances, talk to me. I mean it. I’m not interested in being a rebound, or your way of testing the waters to see if you’re ready to be in a relationship. Recent breakups aren’t the only problem here, either.

Remember my last workaholic, the one from the end of the summer, who decided we couldn’t date when he felt guilty about canceling on me for work a few times? He needs to follow this rule too. If you don’t know how to deal emotionally with the fact that you will sometimes have to cause me to be disappointed and cancel a date for a work crisis, don’t talk to me.

2) If you don’t have a job, don’t talk to me. I have a job. I worked really hard to get it. Sometimes it’s stressful. If you can’t understand what that’s like, I have nothing to say to you. If you’re doing nothing with your life, I’m not interested in building my life with you. If you aspire to have a job that doesn’t challenge you, don’t talk to me.

3) If family means nothing to you, don’t talk to me. Not everyone comes from a perfect family, and that’s fine. But if you place no value on family whatsoever, I have no interest in you. If you don’t want children, good for you, but I do and that’s not changing. If you hate your mother and hate your father and get in fistfights with your brother and think your sister is a dirty whore and laugh when she calls you in tears about something, don’t talk to me.

4) If you’re boring, don’t talk to me. In fact, don’t talk to anyone. Go read a book and build up a few things to talk about. Go travel and do things and experience life and try talking to some people again when you’ve built a personality.

5) If you can’t string ten words together properly to form a sentence, don’t talk to me. This goes without saying.

6) If you don’t have manners, don’t talk to me. First impressions are everything, and you’d better try your damndest to make a good one. I will test you. When I say we could go to a place by where I live or if you’d rather go somewhere else that’s fine, I don’t mean it. It’s not fine. I’ll spend extra time getting pretty so I can make a good first impression on you, so you need to spend extra time getting to a location that is convenient for me. I don’t buy into the idea that chivalry is dead, and you’d better not either.

I think this is a perfectly reasonable list.

I make a concerted effort to be very clear about what I want. If you can’t give it to me, don’t talk to me. If you’re going to waste my time and/or energy, don’t talk to me. I don’t have any of either to spare unless you’re worth it.

Love always,
Sara