"You just kinda wasted my precious time"

Courtesy of Reynaldo Vargas

Yesterday, because she knows me all too well and probably sensed the fact that I was so bored at work I was contemplating throwing myself through the window of my first-floor office just for kicks, my friend R sent me a link to a list of breakup songs. “Here,” she said. “This will keep you entertained for a bit.”

As I picked through songs like “You Oughtta Know,” and “I Will Survive,” I was pleasantly surprised when up popped “Don’t Think Twice, it’s Alright.”  You may or may not know about my Bob Dylan obsession, which was one reason for the pleasantness of the surprise, but mostly it was just that I’d kind of forgotten about the song and was happy to have it running through my head again.

But goodbye’s too good a word, gal

So I’ll just say fare thee well

I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind

You could have done better but I don’t mind

You just kinda wasted my precious time

But don’t think twice, it’s alright

Huh. A bit lackadaisical for a breakup song, no? But for those pre-relationship “breakups,” it doesn’t get much more perfect than that!

Let me explain. Remember my recent declaration of love for workaholics? Well, I should probably clarify. I don't love workaholics in the neglectful sense of the word. In fact, it's the ones who really know how to balance that drive me so wild. I don't mean sticking to every single plan without any other obligation ever getting in the way, I just mean making an effort, compromise.

My most recent workaholic and I found ourselves in a bit of a dilemma. We kept making plans and he kept having to cancel them. For about three weeks straight we fell into a routine of planning to get together early in the week, having that fall through because he kept getting stuck at work, and making a plan for the weekend. Then he got really heinous food poisoning and found himself in the ER, so he gets a free pass on that one. Then the work thing happened again. I was disappointed, yes, but I wasn't angry. I would never ever expect him to say “oh hey sorry, let me jeopardize my new job and tell you I can't go to this client dinner, I have a date with someone I just started seeing.”

He felt terrible. He would apologize profusely and I kept telling him it was okay, that I understood it wasn't his fault. I even let him in on my little secret of how attractive I found him when he texted me at 12:30 a.m. to tell me he was just on his way home from work and he was so exhausted. I wished we could fast forward to when we were in a comfortable relationship and I could greet him and let him whine when he got home. He found my reaction to be “hot.”

In all this time of not being able to see each other, we developed quite the texting bond. I'm pretty sure we texted each other every single day once we met. He was just so darn sweet (gross), and I loved talking to him. Though our last date had left me uncertain of my feelings, I was convinced it would all fall into place the next time I saw him.

We arranged to get together on a Sunday early evening. He texted me early in the afternoon just to babble about something or another, and he seemed pretty excited to see me. At about 5 (I was going to his place at 7), we were working out the details, when suddenly he said “I can't hang out tonight. My friend is having a mental breakdown. She just found out some really fucked up shit about her boyfriend and I have to be there for her, she's my only friend here.”

So I said, “Um well I get it but you have to see how this looks at this point.”

He said “Yeah, I know, but if I explained everything you'd understand why I need to tend to her.”

“Well I just feel like after all our bad luck, if you really wanted to see me, you'd go spend a few hours with your friend and ask me to push back to 9 or 9:30.”

And that's when he clearly saw that I'm not always so passive, that I will push back, and dropped the bomb on me. “I just don't think this is going to work. There are just too many times we've tried to hang out but haven't and it's just my schedule.”

So I said, “I thought we've already had this discussion and I told you your schedule doesn't bother me at this point. I need to figure out if I even want to give you any percent before we worry about whether or not you can give 100 percent all the time.”

“Look Sara, I'm with my friend who is breaking down crying and meanwhile I'm trying to explain to you without being a dick that it's just not going to work. It's nothing against you personally, you are amazingly sweet, it's just my schedule and it isn't going to work, I can't keep canceling like this.”

“Well if you're done you're done, I just feel like how I feel about your schedule is my choice, not yours. It's just disappointing because you've been acting one way for weeks and now you're saying something entirely different. But it sounds like you've made up your mind.”

This got me thinking about these breakup-like situations. I try not to get too dramatic, since it isn't like I'm ending a relationship with a long-term boyfriend, but I still have to make my point. And it's still upsetting! I'll admit I cried when this happened, not even really because it was him-- as I said, I hadn't even decided how much I liked him! But it's another disappointment that didn't end on my terms, and that's upsetting to me.

So when R sent me that list and “Don't Think Twice, It's Alright” popped up, I grinned! How perfect! All the time I spent anticipating the next date only to have it canceled, all the time I spent trying to decide if I liked the guy, all the time I spent not dating anyone else... what a waste!

I ain’t sayin’ you treated me unkind

You could have done better but I don’t mind

You just kinda wasted my precious time

But don’t think twice, it’s alright

What a perfect song for such a perfect waste!