Stand by your man. Or don't. Whatever.

Silda Wall Spitzer stood by her man. In pearls.

Awhile back, I was enjoying a lovely evening in bed with a glass of wine watching bad television when I nearly choked on my beverage. Jenny Sanford, whose husband Governor Mark Sanford claimed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail while he was really with his lover in Argentina, was soon to appear in an exclusive interview with Barbara Walters. A commercial came on showing little teasers from the interview, and finally, the closing screen appeared with the special’s date and time. Barbara Walter’s voice shocked me as she said “Jenny Sanford: The Woman Who Didn’t Stand by Her Man.”

I know she literally didn’t stand by her man when he announced his affair to the public—she didn’t appear with him on camera as most wives of unfaithful politicians have typically done—but the judgmental tone in Barbara Walters’ voice, along with the scornful nature of the interview’s title, caught me quite off guard. Were we supposed to be critical of Jenny Sanford’s decision not to support her husband who had so blatantly disrespected and betrayed her?

Though the situation is different and no one’s been cheating on anyone (that we know of, at least) in the White House, I have found myself in a similar state of confusion lately as I’ve observed the amount of flack Michelle Obama has been catching. I’m not talking about any of the “angry black woman” stuff; lately Michelle’s been criticized for not “standing by her man.” Early in August, she took Sasha to Spain for a fancy vacation, leaving the President behind on his birthday.

During this Spanish getaway, Maureen Dowd, who is heralded as one of America’s top feminists, wrote an article expressing similar criticism. But it wasn’t just the vacation that concerned her. When the President had to address the nation during the whole BP oil spill disaster on the Gulf Coast, Michelle was in Los Angeles attending a Lakers game with Sasha and Malia. This was, in Dowd’s opinion, unacceptable behavior for a supportive wife.

Maybe someone played a very mean trick on me, but I’m pretty sure I checked the box for Barack Obama in November of 2008, not Michelle Obama. I wasn’t aware that the job description for First Lady included being with your husband every time he breathes or pees.

I’m all for supporting your significant other. I believe women should be there for their husbands, listen to them even when they’re talking about something boring, take care of them during hard times, be at their side during important times. And Michelle has been. But when you’re the President of the United States, every day is an important event, and you can’t expect your wife to be available 24/7.

Besides, it’s not like she was off getting a manicure and a facial. In both of these absentee instances, Michelle was with one or both of their daughters, removing them from the stress and scrutiny of White House life. In August, she was in Spain with Sasha, giving her exposure to another culture. Besides, while there’s no escaping being an Obama anywhere in the world, at least in another country it isn’t quite the most widely-used, household name around like it is here. In an environment in which the President would be mutilated by the press for taking a vacation with his family, how else are they supposed to educate their daughters and give them a break from the scrutiny of being the President’s daughter?

Not surprisingly, Maureen Dowd also wrote an article slamming Jenny Sanford for how she handled the fallout of her situation. When you agree to be a public official, you give up a certain right to privacy. It’s your own fault if you end up with a PR fiasco for mishandling your public reaction to a personal situation. However, I don’t think I feel comfortable judging the wife of a politician who so clearly does not make his family a consideration in his life decisions as harshly as I would judge the politician himself.

It’s pretty scary that America’s premier feminist would criticize a woman for taking her daughter to Spain during her husband’s birthday. Even more terrifying is the fact that Maureen Dowd is considered to be the modern day center of the feminist movement at all when she’s writing articles that literally criticize Michelle Obama for taking “girls’ trips” instead of making her husband a martini.