Virgins, Midgets and Morbid Obesity: Brought to You by TLC

TLC is obsessed with virgins. Not too long ago, we got to feast our eyes on this delight when the network was so kind as to share the trials and tribulations of a bunch of adult virgins on The Virgin Diaries. Apparently there’s a part two in the works, and let me just tell you, I cannot freaking wait.

But somewhere between classics like Little People, Big World and The Virgin Diaries, TLC showed us a virgin of another color, taking us to the opposite end of the size spectrum: 650-Pound Virgin. As someone who enjoys a good freak show, I remember sitting down to watch and being transfixed. And at the end of the show, after the 650-pound virgin (his name is David) shed 400 pounds, became a fitness fanatic and embarked upon a new life as a functioning member of society, there was one thing everyone could agree on: David was now a regulation hottie. There was a line around the block to turn the 650-pound virgin into a 250-pound nonvirgin.

But as is often the case with reality television stars, David’s fame quickly faded into oblivion, and many (myself included) forgot about him. That is, until recently, I stumbled across a clip of David on the Today Show from a couple months ago. And I’m sorry to say it, but the 650-pound virgin turned 250-pound hottie is now a 530-pound nonvirgin.  In the interview, he talked about how even though he fixed the outside, he didn’t fix what was happening on the inside, and that led him right back to where he started, using food the way other people use drugs to escape. Everything in his voice made it clear that he is seriously depressed, possibly suicidal and needs to work on a lot more than just his physical health.

Before I continue any further, I need to make a disclaimer of sorts. I have never been an addict and I have never experienced living with/being close to an addict. I have opinions on the matter, but I can’t be sure they’re right because I’ve never experienced this situation.

That being said, I was oddly disturbed by a comment David’s girlfriend made in the interview. They had met and fallen in love when he was at his physical peak, and she’s stayed with him even as he put the weight back on. There is no doubt in my mind she loves him. As they spoke about how he is getting back on track and trying to lose the weight again, she seemed super supportive. But then she said “This is what I’ve been waiting for since he started gaining weight, for him to want to change.”

Hold the phone, lady. Yes, any addiction expert will tell you that you can’t help an addict change until they want to change. But let’s say your loved one is a heroin addict instead of a food addict. What would you do when their addiction is about to kill them but they don’t want to stop? Would you say “Okay, whenever you’re ready, dear?” Of course not! You would put them in the hospital or in a detox program so they at least don’t die while you’re waiting for them to see the light and decide to make a change. You do what it takes to at least keep them alive.

Kudos to David’s girlfriend for being supportive, for sticking by him and for not running away the minute things got difficult or the minute he got “less attractive.” But who says being supportive and putting your foot down when your partner’s unhealthy behavior is spiraling out of control are mutually exclusive? I feel like there should have been some point, well before 530 pounds, that she should have said, “I love you no matter what you look like and I’ll do everything in my power to help you through anything, but I’m not going to watch you kill yourself, so we’re going to therapy right now or I’m out.” Isn’t part of the process of dealing with an addict making it clear to them that there are going to be consequences if they don’t make a change?

I have no doubt that David’s girlfriend’s intentions weren’t to harm him, but at what point does support become negligence? If I, a total stranger, can tell from a five-minute interview with the guy that he is, without a doubt, heinously depressed, shouldn’t the person closest to him have the power to do something about it?

True change comes from within. I get that, I really do. But when someone has slit their wrists and is bleeding to death in front of your face, wouldn’t you get them to a hospital?